GUYS

So on Monday I will become…a real Tumblr user.

I have made a new blog, where I will start reblogging all the things I usually just like! 

I was thinking of uploading my vlogs there…but I might just do that here, and stop being so scared of showing my face. erebody knows who I am anyway. 

But yes if you are interested in what I enjoy regurgitating you may hop over to NESS-QUEST, the url is lochyoursocksoff.tumblr.com.

as I said it goes live monday so it’s empty right now. I wanted to transfer all my likes, but after scrolling for hours I admitted that that just isn’t happening.

~thanks guise~ 

p.s. hopefully a rush of uploads soon when I get my photography up here and a couple of my indesign projects. :) so less silly text posts like this!

I feel very conflicted.

rant about body issues go:

Anti-slut-shaming posts come up on my dash all the time, and I think what they advocate for is insanely important and crazy righteous.

But getting into college, every weekend is a bra-booty shorts party, and yoga pants are on 90% of the females here. And I just can’t accept it yet. I’m trying hard to move to that ideal, that when they dress that way it isn’t to attract attention. But that’s what gets me. Sometimes it is. Sometimes girls are dressing for the playboy bunny frat party with the purpose of being looked at. The shirts just keep lowering in opacity and the shorts get shorter and I shouldn’t have a problem with it but I’m honestly uncomfortable.

I mean truly, it is because of my own insecurities. The fact that I’m not comfortable enough with my body to dress like that, and that I feel pressured to work out and tan to achieve what they have…I am most comfortable in really modest clothes, jackets, loose shirts and pants-  This is because I hate the idea of being “hot” to a stranger. I hate catching boob glances. I just hate the idea of being looked at in a sexual way by anyone besides my boyfriend.

If I saw more girls my size, or nerdy girls in less clothing, this would probably only increase the pressure. Everyone is comfortable in short shorts but you, no one is worried about spilling out of their bando here, why aren’t you fine with dressing this way? You’re young, you’re at the peak of your life, this is when you’re supposed to be confident with yourself. Stop slut shaming, boys shouldn’t look at you that way just because skin is showing! 

Yeah they shouldn’t, but they do. And I can’t get over it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I don’t have the prowess or confidence to be happy in a bikini and have no fear of “distracting men”. Just because it shouldn’t be that way doesn’t mean that guys don’t really enjoy yoga butts and midriff shirts.

I guess I’m jealous of those who are confident about their bodies. And I hate that that turns me into a slut-shamer. I just judge because of my major insecurity… I have no other way to justify the fact that I’m not comfortable.

I think the greatest thing about college is that moment where your awkward, nervous obscure references succeed with someone and you appreciate them 1000x more than anyone from home because in an entirely different setting and upbringing, they still managed to have great taste and are willin’ to geek out with you because it’s all new again.

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